I Tried

by Sarah MacMethos


Title: I Tried Author: MacMethos E-mail address: adkinss@muc.edu Rating: PG Classification: Harm/Mac Spoilers: "Boomerang, Part 2," "Goodbyes" Disclaimers: JAG and its characters are the property of Donald Bellisario, Bellisarius, CBS and Paramount. I am not making any money of of this, it's all in fun, so please don't sue me.
"I Try" is (C) Macy Gray. I thought up the story after hearing the song, so I had to include it. It's not mine, though. It's Macy Gray's, who actually is from not far from me...but I digress...Here's the story. I don't know if I like it, but here it is.
0130 Zulu. A payphone in Fairfax, Virginia.
**********************
Sarah MacKenzie dialed the number, then hung up before it could ring. She did this several times before her subconscious took control. “Come on! You’re a Marine! You can do this!” She took a deep breath, and dialed the number once more. This time, though, she kept the reciever to her ear. “Harm, we need to talk,” Sarah said simply.

. 0135 Zulu. North of Union Station
**********************
Harmon Rabb, Jr. rolled over in bed and looked at the green numbers of his digital clock. 1:35 am. 1:35 am! It was late…or early, but Mac sounded upset, and he would never turn her away. So he invited her over. “Better get up and make myself presentable,” he thought. Harm rolled lazily out of bed, clad only in blue boxers. He pulled his Jerry Garcia shirt from the drawer, and tugged it on over his head. Then he slid into a pair Levi jeans and headed for the bathroom. There Harm splashed cold water onto his face. He shivered and quickly dried with a hand towel. He ran a comb through his hair, and looked in the mirror. “It’ll do.”


0210 Zulu ************* Sarah MacKenzie stood outside the door of Harm’s apartment. She brought her hand up to knock on the door, and then drew it back. She closed her eyes for a minute, and brought the hand back up. She knocked on the door.


Harm heard the knock on the door. He wondered again what she wanted to talk to him about. Only one way to find out. Rabb opened the door. MacKenzie was standing there in a red evening gown. His jaw dropped open. “Mac…” he squeaked. “You look…ravishing.”
“Thanks, flyboy,” she tried to smile. “Are you going to let me in, or do I have to stand out here all morning?”
He stepped to the side and motioned her in. “By all means,” he said. “Come in.”
She squeezed past him through the narrow opening, her hips bumping into his. Harm felt a chill go through him. “May I take your coat?” Harm asked, already pulling it off her shoulders. His hands lingered on her shoulders longer than they should have. “I’ll take it to the closet,” he said, walking briskly to the other room. “I can’t help feeling a bit under-dressed,” he called.

“I’ll take it to the closet,” Harm said, walking quickly to the other room. Was it her imagination, or did Harm’s hands stay on her shoulders a little long. Carressing. His hands felt good. “I can’t help feeling a bit under-dressed,” he interrupted her thoughts.
“I feel very over dressed. Do you have something I can change in to? I came straight here from dinner with Brumby,” she explained.



Harm noticed that Mac called him “Brumby” rather than “Mic.” He wondered if that meant something. Maybe she’d finally told him where to go. One could only hope. Mic wasn’t good enough for her. No man was. Except, perhaps,….
Harm brought out a pair of black sweat pants and a button-up denim shirt. “They might be a little big,” he apologized.
“That’s fine,” Mac said. “Thanks.” She went to his bedroom to change, and Harm waited.
“Do you want something to drink?” he called.
“Sure, what to you have?” she answered.
“Let’s see.” He opened the refrigerator. “Diet Cola, or water,” he said bashfully.
“Cola’s fine,” she laughed.
He poured the drinks and moved to the couch. He waited. Finally Mac came out.
“She still looks ravishing. Even in sweatpants,” Harm thought, but wasn’t about to tell her that. “Have a seat,” he said instead. Mac sat beside him on the couch. “Do you want to listen to music?” he asked.
“Sure,” she said absent-mindedly. Harm got up and flipped on the stereo.



Mac decided to just spit it out, but she stopped when she heard the song on the radio.



Games, changes and fears
When will they go from here
When will they stop
I believe that fate
Has brought us here
And we should be together babe
But we're not

Chorus:
I play it off but I'm dreamin' of you
I keep my cool but I'm feelin'
I try to say goodbye and I choke
Try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it
It's clear my world crumbles when you are not there
Goodbye and I choke
Try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it
It's clear my world crumbles when you are not there

I may appear to be free
But I'm just a prisioner of your love
I may seem alright
And smile when you leave
But my smiles are just a front
Just a front

Chorus
I play it off but I'm dreamin' of you
I keep my cool but I'm feelin'
I try to say goodbye and I choke
Try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it
It's clear my world crumbles when you are not there
Goodbye and I choke
Try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it
It's clear my world crumbles when you are not there


Here is my confession
May I be your possession
Boy I need your touch
Your love kisses and such
With all my might I try
But this I can't deny... deny


Chorus
I play it off but I'm dreamin' of you
I keep my cool but I'm feelin'
I try to say goodbye and I choke
Try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it
It's clear my world crumbles when you are not there
Goodbye and I choke
Try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it It's clear my world crumbles when you are not there

“Well, that hit close to home,” Sarah thought.


“Well, that hit close to home,” Harm thought.
Change the subject. “So, you had dinner with Brumby?”
“Actually, she said, “that’s sort of what I wanted to talk to you about. “Mic asked me to make a decision. Can you think of a reason I shouldn’t say yes?”
“I don’t know, Mac, what do you think?” he prodded.
“Well…I made a list of pro’s and con’s.” Harm supressed a grin. She was so organized. “Pro: Mic loves me. Con: I love someone else.
“The only thing is, I don’t know if he…this other person, has feelings for me. Sometimes I think he does, and other times I’m convinced he doesn’t. I can’t wait around for him forever…but ‘it’s clear my world crumbles when you are not there.” A tear ran down Sarah’s cheek.
“You mean, when he’s not there, don’t you Mac?” Harm joked, his eyes starting to get a little misty.
“You’re him Harm…you’re him!” Another tear. Harm brought his hand to Sarah’s face and brushed the tears away. He bent forward and kissed her gently on the lips.
“Oh, Mac,” he gasped. “You’re my best friend…but I’ve always wanted to be more.”
“Always?”
“Since the moment I first saw you. Don’t marry Brumby.”
“I need a good reason. Are we going somewhere? Are you ready?”
“Dammit, Mac…I_love_you. I’ve been afraid to admit it. I haven’t had much luck with relationships, but…” Harm got off the couch and dropped to one knee. “Sarah, I love you. Don’t marry Brumby, marry me.” Mac gasped audibl. Maybe he’d moved to fast. But he wasn’t going to lose her. Not again. He knew he’d missed a lot of chances, but this was one chance he was going to take.
“Are you sure you want this? I won’t marry Brumby. You don’t need to marry me for that. Just that you love me is enough,” she said..
“Mac, I’ve triied my life with you, and I’ve tried it without you. The truth of the matter is, I prefer with. Leaving JAG was the second biggest mistake I’ve ever made. But not just because JAG is where I belonged. I belong with you. The first was not doing this along time ago.

“So, yes, Sarah, I’m sure. I want you…if you’ll have me. He raised his eyebrow, waiting for her answer.
“Yes.”
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